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Thanksgiving Turkey Shortage Linked to Chartwells
The “Great Turkey Shortage of 2012,” which has left over 400,000 families in Connecticut without a Thanksgiving dinner, has been linked...
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Scandal! Entire Football Team Using Steroids
Ever since the introduction of Quinnipiac’s football program in 1964, it has won 34 NEC titles, had 3 Hallmark movies based on its...
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Quinnipiac to host 2013 Academy Awards
Today the university announced that the 85th annual Academy Awards will be hosted at the TD Bank Sports Center in Hamden, Connecticut...
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QU ROBIN HOOD STEALS FROM POOR, GIVES TO ADMINISTRATION
Quinnipiac Administration announced earlier this morning their intention to pardon the recently apprehended senior Walter Patterson, aka...
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QU FOOTBALL DESTROYS RISD 2,401 TO 7
Once again, the QU Bobcats utterly annihilated the RISD Painters in the annual Thanksgiving Day game, beating the Painters by an...
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SANTA CLAUS IS ANTI-SEMITIC
In my years as a young Jewish boy in Brooklyn, I was reminded constantly around the holiday season about the man that is Santa Claus. I...
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JOHN MAGGI DISCOVERED TO BE COLLECTIVELY HELD DELUSION
A recent investigation into student affairs by Residential Life revealed that junior John Maggi does not exist. The investigation...
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SPB ANNOUNCES MICHAEL JACKSON’S GHOST AS SPRING CONCERT
Student Programming Board president Lauren Enea announced today that the ghost of pop icon Michael Jackson would be the performer at this...
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HOMELESS WQAQ MANAGER LIVING IN STATION FOR WEEKS
An investigation today revealed that sophomore Michael Calandro, Business Manager of WQAQ, has been living out of the school’s radio...
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New Haven Night Club Birthplace of Genital Herpes; Students Unfazed
News broke earlier today when the notorious venereal disease, Genital Herpes, revealed in a press conference that it did not originate in...
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