An investigation today revealed that sophomore Michael Calandro, Business Manager of WQAQ, has been living out of the school’s radio station for the last two weeks. According to the press release from Student Affairs, Calandro ended up completely homeless after trying to register for his 2012-2013 campus housing.
“I just put my roommates’ names down, clicked the button, and suddenly I get an email that I’d been evicted,” Calandro told reporters from the cold, hard floor of the station’s studio, where he has reportedly slept every night for the past two weeks. “I honestly don’t even know where I went wrong.”
After delays due to Hurricane Sandy, server issues, and the new first-come-first-serve policy with housing deposits, students on campus have become weary of the housing application process. Some are even describing it as “difficult,” “utter shit,” or even “worse than the movie The Happening.”
According to sophomore Ronald Newman, “I’d rather eat a bag of dicks than go through that again. And believe me, I hate dick.”
“It’s not so bad living here,” Calandro went on, as he clumped his dirty laundry in the corner of the studio. “I get a free washing machine, and it doubles as a sink.”
“I do wish I had curtains though,” he added, glaring at the window that goes directly into the hallway. “But overall, not too bad.”
“It beats the hell out of the freshman dorms, anyway.”