Today the university announced that the 85th annual Academy Awards will be hosted at the TD Bank Sports Center in Hamden, Connecticut this coming February. This decision came as quite a shock as the event is typically held at the Kodak Theater (now known as the Dolby Theater) in Hollywood, California.
“I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. The TD Bank Sports Center is the greatest arena in all of college sports” said Director of Atheltics and Recreation Jack McDonald while sporting a gigantic foam Oscar statue on his hand.
“Let’s go Bobcats!” he added as he ate a piece of his foam finger (which was later revealed to be cotton candy).
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences said that the decision to relocate the awards show was due to monetary concerns.
“When we heard that we could book the greatest arena in all of college sports for such a reduced rate, the decision to make a change was pretty much a given,” said Academy spokeswoman Patrcia Stump at a press conference earlier today. “Sure, it’s a bit small and none of the celebrities know where Hamden is, but in the end we found the risk to be much less than the reward.”
Stump then had to excuse herself from the interview and answer a phone call from an irate George Clooney asking why he’s been receiving thousands of e-mails from QU Athletics.
Students and faculty of the school of Communications and all of the other schools expressed much excitement over the recent news.
“I’m so excited that the Academy Awards are going to be hosted here,” said junior Film, Video and Interactive Media major Dylan Pollack. “I just hope Brad Pitt is there. He is an atrocious actor but boy, is he easy on the eyes.”
“I mean, look at those washboard abs. Clooney doesn’t even have abs like that,” added Pollack, visibly trembling at the thought. He reportedly later wet himself after searching “Brad Pitt shirtless” on Google.
Not only are students excited about the event, but faculty as well.
“The academy’s choice to hold the Academy Awards at Quinnipiac is truly amazing” said the Department Chair of the Film, Video, and Interactive Media major Liam O’Brien “The students are going to meet and learn from a number of the best filmmakers of our generation. But boy, do I hope I see Brad Pitt there. That jawline is chiseled by the gods themselves.”
When told what Pollack said about Brad Pitt, O’Brien added, “Dylan said that? I thought he’d be more of a jawline guy.”
Tickets for this event will not be available to students as the university initially planned due to Quentin Tarantino having ordered a couple thousand pandas and having “no place to put them.”