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MEN’S HOCKEY TEAM REPLACED WITH CROWD-PLEASING INFLATABLE ANIMALS
As of 10 p.m. Monday night, the Quinnipiac Inflatable Animals will be replacing the low-caliber men’s hockey team in an effort to boost...


Cool Guy Too Cool for Earbuds, Flaunts Bulky Headphones
Citing the pursuit of a sort of coolness found only in white boys from suburbia, cool guy Connor Voss does not wear earbuds in public....


Three Hour Night Class Leaves Students Alert and Well-Educated
According to twenty-two exhilarated Quinnipiac students, last night’s U.S. History Since Reconstruction class was marked from start to...


QUAD's Adopt-a-Corpse Goes Off Without a Hitch
Exactly as they planned it, QU After Dark’s latest event resulted in a record amount of dead fish on campus. According to several...


OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY MAJOR SQUEEZES IN A SHOWER
Sources confirmed that for the first time since classes began, sophomore OT major Abigail Shaffer made time for a shower. “I literally...


AWKWARD BOY TALKS TO AWKWARD GIRL; HAS NORMAL PERSON CONVERSATION
Following a shocking display of confidence, all onlookers unanimously gasped as that offensively awkward freshman that sits alone in the...


PUPPY GIVEAWAY KILLS FAMILY OF FOUR
While on their first college tour as Americans, a newly immigrated family of Swedes fell victim to QU After Dark’s most recent and most...


Student Sounds Coherent in Newspaper Interview
The stars aligned this week when freshman Lillian Ward was accurately quoted in a local newspaper. She reportedly relayed intelligent...


QUINNIPIAC FACILITIES WORKER RESCUED FROM THE PINE GROVE AFTER SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH THE STATUE
At 8:00 am this morning a University facilities worker was rescued after spending a night in the Pine Grove with the controversial “sex...


HILARIOUS FOOTBALL T-SHIRT CAUSES FOOT TRAFFIC JAM OUTSIDE OF TATOR HALL
Foot traffic came to a grinding halt outside of Tator Hall on Thursday morning when freshmen Calvin Jones noticed junior Terry Di Fino’s...
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