Citing the pursuit of a sort of coolness found only in white boys from suburbia, cool guy Connor Voss does not wear earbuds in public.
“Honestly, I think headphones are kind of uncomfortable, but when I walk to class, it becomes necessary to operate with swag, real or fabricated,” Voss divulged.
Voss is one of around two dozen kids at Quinnipiac too indie to subscribe to modern devices like the earbud, “unless, of course, it makes me look like a hipster,” underground cool kid Patrick Delurey clarified.
Chief Operating Officer of Bose, John T. Coleman, met with members of the press to give his take on the trend.
“While earbuds are designed to fit snugly in your ears, stay in place during exercise, and follow the minimalistic direction technology is going in nowadays, headphones are being made increasingly larger as manufacturers work to meet the needs of the one demographic that still buys them—frustrated teenagers.”
Researchers confirm that the trend is expected to grow until the number of cool kids with cool headphones exceeds 3% of high school and college students, creating a marginal cost of being too mainstream greater than the marginal benefit of rocking overtly large headphones.