As of 10 p.m. Monday night, the Quinnipiac Inflatable Animals will be replacing the low-caliber men’s hockey team in an effort to boost ticket sales.
“We felt the crowd responded better to puns and inflatable animal dry-humping than organized sports games,” explained Group Ticket Sales and Promotions Manager David P. Caprio.
“This was a smart move for the athletics department,” continued Caprio as he watched inflatable friend Ken Giraffey Jr. balance on his head while making a sandwich.
At a recent press conference, officials assured naysayers with the validity of their theory being more appealing to the public by presenting to news correspondents, and the sea of fans that had gathered outside, an act from the new show.
“I couldn’t believe it when Mackrel Jordan ate that referee,” exclaimed sophomore Nicole Trimble, as one of the five paid, professional performers bumped into a wall, eager to get a laugh.
Students and faculty alike are “eager to see the Canadians shipped back north” in exchange for the intrigue and excitement of Mia Hamster and friends, a change likely to be put into effect following the hockey team’s next match.
On how the transition is likely to be executed, Director of Athletics and Recreation John J. McDonald just asked “what transition?” and gestured behind him to the inflatable animals standing where the hockey team stood moments before.
At press time, a voice was heard yelling for help inside of LeBron Dane’s belly.