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Brock Turner Outraged
Convicted rapist Brock Turner has come forward to express outrage towards his early release. Turner was sentenced to serve six months in...
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QU TO DROP THE U, NOW TO BE KNOWN AS QUINNIPIAC ‘NIVERSITY
In a press release by chief administrators, the rebranding of Quinnipiac ‘Niversity has entered its final stages, thus completing the...
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New Legislation Proposes to End Gun Violence With More Guns
After the recent spike in gun violence in America, US government officials were proud to announce that they’ve finally found a solution....
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QU Hires New Old White Man to Solve Diversity Issue
In order to tackle the so-called “diversity issue” on campus, Quinnipiac has created an entire position dedicated to fixing the problem....
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Clinton Ranking High Among Politically Indifferent Females
A recent Quinnipiac poll found that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is polling well among politically indifferent females....
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TAXPAYER MONEY WASTED ON FINDING CHILD WHO WAS TOTALLY FINE
During a game of “peek-a-boo” gone awry, local 4-year-old, Elliot Simmons, was nowhere to be found by babysitter and self-proclaimed...
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NATION REMEMBERS MOURNING OTHER CELEBRITIES IN WAKE OF PRINCE’S DEATH
In the wake of the death of the rock icon, Prince, citizens across the nation cannot help but look back upon the impact other, similarly...
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CLERICAL ERROR ACCIDENTALLY REOPENS VIETNAM WAR FOR 48 HOURS
A recent clerical error has accidentally reopened the Vietnam War. Sources reveal that the clerical error occurred during a complex...
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TUITION INCREASE TO BE CUT BY 10%
A formal statement from the Office of Financial Aid announced that tuition hikes will decrease by a record of 10% from last semester,...
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Student Needs To Change Major One More Time For A Free Sundae
Records show that junior Allison Marquis is only one change of major away from receiving a free sundae from Chartwells Food Services....
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