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FALL FEST CANCELED ON ACCOUNT OF WE’RE ALL DRUNK
In a move that is sure to anger Quinnipiac’s devoted Jana Kramer fan base, the University has canceled Fall Fest three days early due to...
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NEW HAVEN SHUTTLES HALTED TO ALLOW DRIVERS TO BECOME BETTER ACQUAINTED
To begin this new school year, weekend shuttles into New Haven were canceled in order to allow the shuttle drivers to become better...
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Weekend Alcohol Poisoning Helps Student Reach Target Weight
As a consequence of reaching dangerous levels of alcohol poisoning this weekend, senior Annie Neilson has met her weight goal, providing...
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PHILOSOPHY CLUB BUSTED FOR UNDERAGE THINKING
Last night Hamden police arrested thirty members of Quinnipiac’s Philosophy Club–many of which are younger than 21–for underage thinking....
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"Bursar" and "Registrar" Discovered to be Latin for "Robbed in Broad Daylig
While on a historical manuscript investigation last weekend, students Aimee Rogers and Allison Corletto came upon encoded Latin words...
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LAST STUDENT ON CAMPUS WITHOUT A SMARTPHONE FOUND, EXECUTED
After two years of careful genocide, the last Quinnipiac student who did not own a smartphone has been eliminated by school officials and...
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HEALTH CENTER NOW OFFERS STREET DRUGS
In response to the growing variety of needs from the increasingly diverse student body, Quinnipiac’s Health and Wellness Center now...
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Three Hour Night Class Leaves Students Alert and Well-Educated
According to twenty-two exhilarated Quinnipiac students, last night’s U.S. History Since Reconstruction class was marked from start to...
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QUINNIPIAC FACILITIES WORKER RESCUED FROM THE PINE GROVE AFTER SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH THE STATUE
At 8:00 am this morning a University facilities worker was rescued after spending a night in the Pine Grove with the controversial “sex...
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HILARIOUS FOOTBALL T-SHIRT CAUSES FOOT TRAFFIC JAM OUTSIDE OF TATOR HALL
Foot traffic came to a grinding halt outside of Tator Hall on Thursday morning when freshmen Calvin Jones noticed junior Terry Di Fino’s...
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