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Prison Football Team Scrambles to Fill Void Left by Hernandez Injury
News of Aaron Hernandez’s suicide had an impact on everyone who was close to him, especially his former prison football team, the...


RYAN LOCHTE REPORTS HIS OWN MURDER TO BRAZILIAN AUTHORITIES
Brazilian authorities have confirmed that Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte filed a police report regarding his own murder. Lochte claimed to...


OBITUARY FOR THE GUY FROM THAT LEMONADE ICED TEA BRAND
Reports confirm the death of the most iconic iced tea brand moguls of all time: Arnold Palmer. Having passed away peacefully on September...


STOP COMPARING THIS HOCKEY TEAM TO OLDER, EERILY SIMILAR HOCKEY TEAM
This past weekend, my favorite sports team of all time – the 2015-16 Quinnipiac men’s hockey team – lost the hockey national...


Rugby Team Thinks Rugby Calendar Is Super Gay
Upon seeing their own calendar, many members of Quinnipiac’s New Blue Rugby team agreed that the calendar was “super gay.” The calendar,...


DISNEY ON ICE DISQUALIFIED FROM FROZEN FOUR
After a brutal brawl with Boston College’s hockey team, Disney on Ice has been disqualified from the Frozen Four. The altercation started...


STUDENT GIVES INSPIRING SPEECH TO MADDEN TEAM
After making sure he was the only person in the room, Sophomore Gary Fendleson gave an inspiring speech to his television, intended for...


ICE CATS TO STOP MAKING EVERYONE FEEL INFERIOR
As of Tuesday at midnight, Quinnipiac’s team of Ice Cats has agreed to the first of several measures regarding the cessation of what...


MEN’S HOCKEY TEAM REPLACED WITH CROWD-PLEASING INFLATABLE ANIMALS
As of 10 p.m. Monday night, the Quinnipiac Inflatable Animals will be replacing the low-caliber men’s hockey team in an effort to boost...


Scandal! Entire Football Team Using Steroids
Ever since the introduction of Quinnipiac’s football program in 1964, it has won 34 NEC titles, had 3 Hallmark movies based on its...
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