News of Aaron Hernandez’s suicide had an impact on everyone who was close to him, especially his former prison football team, the Slippery Soaps.
“It’s tough to see him go”, said inside trader/ captain Edward Murray. “He was good for at least 10 touchdowns a year. We’ll have to make those up somehow”.
The Slippery Soaps, who were poised to contend in the Connecticut Penal System League, now have a big hole in the receiving core. “He was a triple threat,” said Earl Johnson, who serves as the coach. “Soft hands, large frame, and was a convicted of a felony so serious, everyone was afraid to tackle him”.
Running back and inactive gangbanger Jeremy Tyler fears that the Soaps will not be able to find a replacement. “This isn’t the 90s anymore. During the height of the War on Drugs, we would get a bunch of young, fast brothers every week. Now all we have is opium addicts and frat guys who keep asking me if they can say ‘nigga’. The only thing these boys can catch are these hands”.
Sources have confirmed that the Slippery Soaps are in talks to acquire OJ Simpson as a last minute quick fix.