After a brutal brawl with Boston College’s hockey team, Disney on Ice has been disqualified from the Frozen Four. The altercation started when Boston College player, Teddy Doherty called his opponents “a bunch of fairies and princesses.”
While that statement is 100% accurate, with half of the squad being actual fairies and princesses, that did not stop defenseman Donald Duck from delivering the first blow. The fight was finally broken up after Timon from the Lion King threatened to “hakuna [a player’s] tatas,” which forced referee Cruella de Vil to stop the gameplay.
With the game put to an end and BC moving on to the next round, Disney on Ice’s coach, the cryopreserved frozen corpse of Walt Disney, remains stoic in defeat. Coach Disney refused to answer any questions during the press conference.
This is not the first time Disney on Ice has faced controversy. Last season, forward Peter Pan was suspended after police found two pounds of pixie dust in his duffle bag. Users of the drug are said to have experienced the feeling of flight, youth and hallucinations of pirates, ticking crocodiles and racist depictions of Native Americans.
Less than two weeks ago, referees were forced to penalize Disney on Ice for excessive celebration when the team lit off fireworks after scoring a goal.
“Every single game they do this,” said Ref de Vil, “This is a roofed arena, and is not at all a practical celebration. There have been several fires. We’ve had to rebuild this stadium on multiple occasions. It’s ridiculous.”
Many fans are upset, not because of the disqualification, but because the majority of them are five years old and their mothers wouldn’t let them buy a snow cone.
In spite of the emotions clouding his judgment, one fan was gracious enough to give us his analysis of the game. “I liked Mickey because he’s a boy," the fan said.
That analysis correlates with everything experts have been saying: Mickey is a very likable player on the ice and he is in fact a boy.
In related news, Tune Squad will also be facing a tough road to March Madness’ final four given Pepé Le Pew’s recent sexual harassment charge.