top of page


Tim Kaine's Plan To Defeat ISIS Includes A Heart To Heart Conversation
In the midst of the harshest election season in recent memory, the human embodiment of a box of puppies Tim Kaine has revealed his plan...


MAN RELAXING ON QUAD ACTUALLY DEAD
Shocking news today on Quinnipiac’s quad when a dead man was found in the midst of hundreds of relaxing students. “I was laying on the...


Brock Turner Outraged
Convicted rapist Brock Turner has come forward to express outrage towards his early release. Turner was sentenced to serve six months in...


QU TO DROP THE U, NOW TO BE KNOWN AS QUINNIPIAC ‘NIVERSITY
In a press release by chief administrators, the rebranding of Quinnipiac ‘Niversity has entered its final stages, thus completing the...


New Legislation Proposes to End Gun Violence With More Guns
After the recent spike in gun violence in America, US government officials were proud to announce that they’ve finally found a solution....


QU Hires New Old White Man to Solve Diversity Issue
In order to tackle the so-called “diversity issue” on campus, Quinnipiac has created an entire position dedicated to fixing the problem....


Clinton Ranking High Among Politically Indifferent Females
A recent Quinnipiac poll found that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is polling well among politically indifferent females....


TAXPAYER MONEY WASTED ON FINDING CHILD WHO WAS TOTALLY FINE
During a game of “peek-a-boo” gone awry, local 4-year-old, Elliot Simmons, was nowhere to be found by babysitter and self-proclaimed...


CONGRESSWOMAN TO REDUCE HOUSING INEQUALITY BY STORING THE IMPOVERISHED IN HER TWO-CAR GARAGE
Washington State Congresswoman Cathy McMorris Rodgers has proposed to solve one of the largest issues the United States government has...


NATION REMEMBERS MOURNING OTHER CELEBRITIES IN WAKE OF PRINCE’S DEATH
In the wake of the death of the rock icon, Prince, citizens across the nation cannot help but look back upon the impact other, similarly...
bottom of page