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HARRY POTTER FAN JOINS KKK TO BECOME WIZARD
This past Thursday, local Harry Potter fan Karl Marshal joined the KKK not as an advocate for white supremacy, but rather to pursue his...
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GUY WHO QUOTES SPONGEBOB GETS NETFLIX STAND-UP SPECIAL
Stocks rose for Netflix’s market value when that guy who quotes Spongebob too much signed with for a stand-up special. “That’s right,”...
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HOW TO TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND HE WAS JUST A SUMMER FLING
A new school year means a new start, and now that classes have begun, it is time for you to cut ties with your baggage. That means...
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FETTY WAP MEETS EXPECTATIONS
Word quickly spread of Fetty Wap’s upcoming performance at Wake the Giant, and how expectations for his singing would be mediocre. After...
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The Blunt Truth About Injecting Marijuana
It seems no matter how often today’s youths are taught to say no to drugs, they always find a reason to experiment with them. Now teens...
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POLITICALLY CORRECT RACIST STRUGGLES TO EXPRESS HIMSELF
Politically correct local racist Aaron Heuskin has been struggling to convey his feelings. Given the recent Syrian refugee crisis,...
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NEW FRATERNITY EXCITED FOR INEVITABLE SUSPENSION
Alpha Epsilon Pi, a culturally Jewish fraternity known as AEPi, is one of the new Greek life organizations on campus. They eagerly...
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FILMMAKERS TO TURN THE BIBLE INTO THE NEXT TEEN ROMANCE DYSTOPIAN FRANCHISE
With Harry Potter, Twilight, and The Hunger Games finished, and the majority of people forgetting that Divergent exists, Hollywood has...
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PARTY CITY TO OFFER WHITE STEREOTYPE COSTUMES
In an attempt to rectify the annual problem of racially insensitive Halloween costumes causing controversies, major costume distributor...
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BRAVO DEBUTS “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF SUBURBIA”
As mandated by their contract, The Real Housewives are adding ten approved spinoff shows to Bravo’s fall lineup, the first of which is...
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