NEW FRATERNITY EXCITED FOR INEVITABLE SUSPENSION
- Alan Johnson
- Apr 13, 2016
- 1 min read
Alpha Epsilon Pi, a culturally Jewish fraternity known as AEPi, is one of the new Greek life organizations on campus. They eagerly anticipate their unavoidable suspension from campus.
Despite only being established in January, AEPi President Randy Pearlmen believes a suspension should be coming “any day now.”
“We want to be treated like all of the other Greek life organizations on campus,” said Pearlman, taking a break from drafting his appeal to the unknown, yet predestined punishment. “All of the older Greek life organizations were hazed by the school; why not us?”
The founding members of AEPi have been excitedly wondering what inescapable offence will cause them to lose their place at the school. “I hope the boys do something that involves our Jewish heritage,” said Rabbi Reena Judd. “Maybe we could use this breach of campus rules to raise money for Israel!”
Not all members of the campus community are happy about the new soon-to-be-suspended fraternity’s arrival on campus. Zeta Beta Tau, the first culturally Jewish fraternity, had some very choice words for their Greek life brethren.
“We’ve been working on getting banned from campus for making pledges recite Elie Wiesel’s quotes about the Holocaust from memory, while tazing them,” said Samuel Pitts, Zeta Beta Tau President. “How will we conquer this niche market now?”
For their part, Quinnipiac Greek life officials have already confirmed that they will reinstate AEPi after six months – no matter what they have done.
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