With Harry Potter, Twilight, and The Hunger Games finished, and the majority of people forgetting that Divergent exists, Hollywood has set its eyes on the next series of books to get the big screen treatment: The Bible.
Entitled King James’ Bible, the series is a sci-fi/fantasy epic that centers on an ordinary boy named Jesus – clearly copying the silly names from The Hunger Games – who discovers that he is the chosen one destined to defeat the evil Roman Empire.
“No, we haven’t read the book,” says the producer of the upcoming film, “But apparently, everyone’s talking about it.”
The series has developed a cult following, a group of passionate fans dedicated to the adventures of Jesus. “There was a convention in Germany, a while ago, that sort of got out of hand,” remembers one fan, “Then in the U.S, there were a bunch of cosplayers dressed up like ghosts. That also got a bit out of hand.”
A mystery yet to be revealed in the novels that has lent itself to a variety of fan theories is Jesus’ parentage.
“Oh, God is definitely Jesus’ father, for sure,” claims one website.
Kim Davis, a fan girl in Kentucky, has her own unique theory on the character of God and his opinion on homosexuality. There are even some fans who think God doesn’t exist.
In addition to a loyal fan base, The Bible seems to have every teen dystopian franchise trope checked off. “Chosen one? Check. Evil dystopian society fighting against said chosen one? Check,” says Francis, the President of the Bible’s fan club.
The series even focuses on a love triangle between its three leads, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. “I do really hope that The Holy Spirit chooses The Son,” continues Francis, “They’re so perfect together.”
The Bible stars generic white guy, Theo James as Jesus, and the role of Mary will be played by obligatory credible actress receiving a large paycheck, Kate Winslet. The film, according to industry insiders, will be split into two parts, which is presumably to compensate for the amount of content to translate to the screen.
“No, it’s 100% to get more money,” says the producer.
The first part of the film, The Bible: The Old Testament hits theaters this summer and the sequel, The Bible: The New Testament, comes out next year.