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CONFUSED WOMAN ALMOST COOKS TURKISH BOY FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER
Local reports showed that a local family has unintentionally prepared a human being among other Thanksgiving delicacies in preparation...


Award-Winning Slam Poem Might Just Be Grocery List
Award-winning “slam poet” Anthony Dobson is being investigated by American Poetry Association officials after rumors circulated that a...


SMALL FRIEND GROUP INTIMIDATED BY LARGE TABLE
This afternoon, reports came in claiming that a small friend group of three to four individuals were intimidated by a multi-function...


Student Needs To Change Major One More Time For A Free Sundae
Records show that junior Allison Marquis is only one change of major away from receiving a free sundae from Chartwells Food Services....


Thanksgiving Turkey Shortage Linked to Chartwells
The “Great Turkey Shortage of 2012,” which has left over 400,000 families in Connecticut without a Thanksgiving dinner, has been linked...


Student Suffers Existential Breakdown After Waiting 36 Hours For Food
A simple run to the cafeteria turned into a philosophical horror for one student after a 36 hour wait triggered an existential crisis....
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