This afternoon, reports came in claiming that a small friend group of three to four individuals were intimidated by a multi-function table/booth in the Carl Hansen Student Center.
As the small cluster of souls began their trek towards a table suitable for a king, they seemed to get increasingly anxious about the scenario.
Marketing major Edward McGovern, who has often been described as having the heart of a lion and the brain of an above average lion, led the group’s crusade.
Passers-by claimed to have heard McGovern’s heart purr noncommittally this afternoon, as he told his rough-and-tough gang of ne’er-do-wells: “I just wanna just sit here, the café is pretty empty anyways.”
Mumblings amongst the coconspirators occurred; many within the group questioned their worthiness of the option. The prospect of being able to sit in either a chair, or the booth appeared to lead towards infighting as the group began to fall apart by the seams.
Following the remarks, one of McGovern’s disciples reportedly dropped her plate to stay out of the controversy. Dried up bits of rice, over-steamed broccoli, and approximately 12-15 tator tots formed a cornucopia of protest a mere 12 paces from the plush and expansive table.
Many of the group’s peers viewed the event from their own appropriately populated tables with disgust. According to field reporters a few watcher-byes mumbled words of disdain as the diminishing group attempted to settle at a booth suited for at least five to six individuals. For some it was the last straw, and for others the once disgusting display had become the mundane.
Clyde Sheffield, an eyewitness, recalled the moment noting that, “The days of the few taking advantage of the many has not ended. The Quinnipiac community continues to perpetuate the oligopoly that American society does not allow us to be free of, let alone forget.”
Fellow eyewitness, Thomas Rinklin, had this to say of the afternoon’s events, “Yeah, those 3 people were just sitting at a table eating some food, and then they left after a while.”