Local reports showed that a local family has unintentionally prepared a human being among other Thanksgiving delicacies in preparation for the upcoming holiday. 83-year-old Gertrude Johnson, instead of getting her family a turkey for the center of the table, has seasoned and garnished a Turkish Boy she kidnapped from a local hospital. The child was immediately treated for burns and minor cuts once he was identified and rescued by local authorities.
“He was precooked, so he just needed to be warmed up in the microwave,” quoted Auntie Gertrude after being questioned about why she chose the boy. She claims she was at the local supermarket looking for a turkey. “I heard someone say ‘Turk,’ so I figured I was in the right section.”
The family claimed to have no idea they were keeping a young boy hostage. After being informed of the tragic mistake, the family did not appear to be too concerned. In fact, they were happy to have found the source of the screaming from the basement refrigerator.
“We all realized it wasn’t just the neighbors, but Gertrude said she would take care of it,” said a puzzled Gerald Johnson.
In other news, the Johnson family told reporters that they had “found a new tradition” and that they would probably do this again in the years to come.