I understand that you miss your family while you’re away at school, but you need to do something about the location of these picture frames–I don’t want to have sex near a portrait of your brother John.
You know I have nothing against John. It’s just that I don’t want to lose focus and start thinking about his senior prom when I open my eyes and see this picture on the desk. I mean, John looked nice in his tux and all, but didn’t he break up with his girlfriend the very next day? Why is it even facing your bed? I guess it’s your aesthetic choice. But if you turn everything around and put your Nana’s birthday card behind John’s prom pictures, I’d have a less cluttered line of vision to the other side of the room.
Maybe I’m just paranoid. Sometimes I think he can see us whenever we can see him. But that’s nonsense, right? I have no problem with your Walking Dead poster, and your Friends poster is actually a bit of a turn-on, but John is strictly off-limits, and so I don’t feel comfortable with his presence in your room during these intimate moments.
And again, it’s not because he’s not attractive. Oh boy, is he attractive! He has your cheekbones without that little mole of yours. We actually had a great conversation about genetics the other day at Starbucks…did I tell you John and I got coffee last week? Remember, I told you we’d have to reschedule our date to the movies? Anyway, one text led to another and then we just ended up meeting and talking for what seemed like hours.
On second thought, I don’t want to tell you where to put your pictures. It’s none of my business, really.