Muckrakers searching through the recent WikiLeaks emails have found a video of Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin “doing the dirty.” Banned in 17 countries for its “inappropriate nature” and “shocking visuals,” the video shows a submissive Trump being dominated by an aggressive yet sensual Putin. Both involved parties have come forward to release statements about the incident.
“I do my best to keep positive relations with foreign nations,” quoted a blushing Trump. “You should see what happens when I visit China.” Putin was quoted as denying the allegations: “Как ты попал в мой дом.”
The following quotes were extracted from the video. Reader discretion is advised: “I'm about to nuke all over a first world country!!!! Oh yes, slap me and call me a dirty dictator.” “да шлепать мою задницу и называть меня папа грязный Oompa Loompa ищет шлюшку. Выиграйте эту президентскую гонку Daddy”
These are merely some of the things mentioned in this shocking video. While Russian officials have refused to comment further on the issue, American news outlets have posted this video on all possible platforms for those interested in viewing the video.
“We are shocked that something this disturbing has come from someone such as Donald Trump,” quoted a jeering Hillary Clinton in the midst of the election. “On a second thought, I take that back: we are not surprised that this happened. In fact, I saw this coming since the beginning of this campaign.”
In other news, Donald Trump has now threatened to sue the Internet for allowing this video to remain online. A court date has yet to be determined.