After an illustrious 27-year career working in public office, Hamden Town Clerk Samuel Gorman has resigned in order to spend more time with his mistress. Gorman, who has a wife and three children, is very excited about the extra time he will spend “canoodling” with his concubine.
“I used to spend half of my work day thinking of excuses to tell my wife so that I could spend a weekend in the country with my mistress,” said Gorman, at the press conference announcing his resignation. “Now I can spend all day thinking of excuses and not worry about wasting tax payer money!”
However, Gorman’s mistress is not happy about his newfound freedom. “I enjoyed hiding under his desk during meetings and calling his office under the guise of requesting a fishing permit,” said Gorman’s mistress, on the condition of anonymity. “Where’s the fun in hiding from his wife if there’s also not a willful misappropriation of time and money?”
Gorman has revealed that many of his “business trips to Hartford” were actually spent renting motel rooms in Wallingford. While critics have accused Gorman of dishonesty and embezzlement, IRS investigators will not be pursing a case against Gorman. “We’ve all been in love once,” said Jim O’Hara, a senior IRS investigator. “Gorman’s just been in love twice and concurrently. You can’t fault a man for wanting to keep those charges off his family credit card.”
Sources close to Gorman’s wife say that Gorman “will have some explaining to do.”