Earlier this week, former Republican President Trump made a controversial decision to make cuts to the United States military. The 45th president released a statement that he is banning all transgender people from serving in the military. This new, liberal-pushing agenda is something that American citizens were not expecting.
“I can’t believe he’s a libtard now,” said Jack Turney, a 23-year-old college dropout between puffs of his vape. “How are we supposed to blow up all the Muslims with a smaller military?!”
Trump plans on relocating the money that would have been spent on these troops into something more useful, such as prison reform or public education.
“He’s a real special snowflake now isn’t he?” asked Chelsey Olivare, a 52-year-old mother of three. “Protecting transgenders from combat, what a ham. I didn’t realize I voted for a gay-loving liberal,” Olivare said while spitting on the ground.
Trump was reported as looking “shocked” when he heard that transgender military members receive an estimated $2.4 - $8.4 million annually on healthcare.
“What about flaccid penises?! How much do the flaccid penises receive?!” the President asked while moving his hand to cover his genitals.
Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, a full-bodied flaccid human himself, informed the president that the penises in question receive an estimated $41.6 million a year. He was then reportedly seen pleading with the president to not take such a liberal stance and to instead leave the transgender soldiers in the military to be captured, tortured, and/or shot by the enemy.
When asked, President Trump said he will stay firm on his new liberal stance, citing his love for the gay community. “The T in LGBT stands for Trump!” he said, clapping his hands before exiting the press conference carrying a rainbow flag.