Former presidential candidate Jeb Bush has refocused his time and energy on what he feels is a more important and rewarding path than the race to the presidency: running an Anti-Bullying campaign.
His journey will stretch all across the United States, hitting every middle school and elementary school he can on the way, in an effort to end bullying. Mario Rodriguez, a seventh grader at John F. Kennedy Middle School, spoke to us about his experience watching the former Floridian governor speak to the school. “It was all really unsettling. He kind of stood there and cried for a good fifteen minutes before saying anything.”
Many children reported feelings of extreme disappointment when they found out that the speaker, referred to as “Mr. Bush” by faculty, was not former President George W. Bush. Sally Rider, a fourth grader at Dayhigh Elementary, was one of these disappointed students. “I don’t know who that guy was. He looked kind of like the grim reaper or my socially awkward uncle, Todd.”
Mr. Bush reportedly used many anecdotes in his presentation. He described a hypothetical bully to the students and asked how they would handle the situation. The bully was depicted as “very large, beady eyed, orange in color, with sharp claws and pointed teeth.”
After describing the bully, Jeb repeatedly asked the unresponsive students how they would stand up and defeat him. The students remained quiet even after Mr. Bush explained that he desperately needed to know for personal reasons. Their silence drove the respected politician to tears for the third time in the thirty minutes he had been there.
For the last section of his presentation Bush explained that bullies could come in all different shapes and sizes. “Some bullies even look like members of your own family,” Bush claimed.
He went on to explain a hypothetical situation in which an older brother turned out more successful than his “equally intelligent, and better-looking younger brother” and how that situation may have affected the younger brother. He described the rest of the hypothetical family as “constantly mocking this younger brother by pelting him with both insults and food.” The brother’s importance in the family dropped below that of the family dog, who “admittedly showed promising political abilities.”
The six hour ceremony ended with Jeb mistakenly exclaiming “God bless Canada” instead of “God Bless America.” He quietly asked the students to clap as he dragged his then-fallen body off the stage. Sources reported that he was then seen giving his lunch money to a very large, orange colored figure.