Pope Francis, who recently joined Instagram, plans to continue his crusade on youth culture. Recently, he saw a screening of Deadpool, in which the villain changed his name from Francis to Ajax. The holy father attempted to do the same, but the name “Pope Ajax” never stuck with his followers. Earlier today, he announced his membership to the gay dating app, Grindr.
The reveal has stunned both critics and followers of the Church. Pope Francis is said to be the most tolerant of the gay community of any Pope in history, but few expected such a leap in progress.
“Of course I am gay,” said the Pope, “I think everyone should be gay. The lord wants us to be gay.”
Sources have indicated that Pope Francis is so old that he still considers the word gay to mean happy. After being informed of the word’s current definition, he has since updated his statement, “to quote those who deny the theory of evolution, ‘no homo erectus.’”
The Pope plans to continue using Grindr, and has even made a match for himself. Jesus, a carpenter, has agreed to keep an open relationship with Pope Francis, which the Pope understands completely. “Jesus loves me, and he has touched me. But he touches every one of us. He touches my mom, my brother, he even touches my dog, and who am I to stop him?”
The Pope’s match on Grindr was soon discovered to be a regular man named Jesús, not Jesus. Their relationship has since ended.
Christian Mingle has offered the Pope a free membership, but he respectfully declined. “Religious chicks are crazy, man.”