If you are reading this, then, statistically speaking, we did not have sex. However, if you are lucky enough to be in the top 1 percent – the very top of the top 1 percent – then this message is for you: thanks!
I truly appreciate you deigning to have sex with me. There were many other options – you’re a very charming lady! – and I was honored that you chose me. I swear, when we were in Toads/Bar/Box/Pulse/Bathroom of Taco Bell, I had no idea what was about to happen – but I’m very happy it did happen!
However, there is an elephant in the room that must be discussed – my very limited micro-penis. I apologize wholeheartedly: you did not know you were in for (or what you were not in for), and my limp, flaccid member drooped sadly above my balls. For you, this is a bad night; for me, this is my crux to bear.
So, let’s get down to brass tacks. I did not write you to only thank you for the sex. Don’t get me wrong, that was also my intention. However, my true purpose is to ask all of three of you lovely ladies to do me a favor: please don’t tell anyone about my micro-penis.
There are countless reasons why I would like to keep this secret. For one, there is a sexual stigma about men who have a micro-penis that is entirely correct. I struggle to even catch a glimpse of my micro-penis, let alone sexually satisfy a partner.
My micro-penis is MY problem, not the world’s. Please don’t tell anyone about it. Also, thank you for having sex with me.