Following the cease and desist ordered by Quinnipiac on the University’s chapter of Sigma Phi Epsilon, the nerds of Zeta Beta Tau declared they couldn’t be happier to become the most popular fraternity on campus.
“Honestly, we probably deserved to be the biggest fraternity on campus,” said chapter president Al Goldberg, “we throw the best wine and cheese mixers and we have the frattiest bros.”
Although details about which Sigma Epsilon activities constituted a temporary shut down, several ZBT brothers have working theories. “They were probably having intercourse with girls or something,” said one freshman ZBT pledge.
“ZBT doesn’t function like that, bro. I rushed because I know they abstain until marriage; they have their priorities straight,” contributed a senior ZBT member.
Interviews around campus revealed that, while many Quinnipiac students were aware of the news regarding Sigma Epsilon, they were confused about what ZBT was.
“I was under the impression they were some academic club, like for accounting or biology majors or something,” said sophomore Jenny Kirker.
“Personally I thought they were an improv group,” added Junior Stephen Chef, “but I guess it is nice to hear of a frat that’s staying out of trouble even if they’re a bunch of geeks.”
Representatives from ZBT reached out to The Barnacle to assure readers they were not in fact nerds, dorks, geeks, or anything like that, and that they were throwing what they described as a “Project X” type-party minus the drugs, alcohol, sex, and women, but with hella Yankee Candles.