WILL YOU PLEASE CALL YOUR MOTHER BACK? SHE’S CONCERNED!

Well excuse me! I guess you’re too busy to give your dear old mother a call back! Are you too busy? Did you get hurt?! Who knows because according to her you haven’t talked to her in about a year!

You know, when your mother was in college, she didn’t even have a cell phone, but did you know she still managed to call her mother AT LEAST twice a day from the pay phone. Is she asking for too much? A little something in the morning and a call goodnight before bed–that’s all. Is your cellphone broken? Maybe you should call her from the pay phone at your school. I’m sure they still have one. Would you like me to find out for you? I’ll look into it. But as this rate, I guess you’ll never here the results of my search, eh?

The most despicable part about not calling your mother back is that she doesn’t know if you’re ignoring her for serious health reasons. She is worried sick about your well-being! Hell, for all she knows Whitey Bulger and his goons could have kidnapped you! Who knows?! Your mother certainly doesn’t! She hasn’t heard from you in days.

The nerve of you. Your mom may as well drive down to school to come talk to you. I guess you’re too busy partying to speak to her. Probably not getting any of your homework done, certainly not getting a healthy amount of sleep. If you keep it up you may get sick soon, and your mother heard Ebola is stateside now!

As of press time, your mother has had enough. She’s going to call the school and have them check up. While they’re at it, public safety is going to ensure you’re eating your fruits and vegetables. She’s absolutely tired of you taking your chances with this college lifestyle you’ve adapted to so smoothly, leaving your loving mother to wait by the phone with gritted teeth.

#AndrewHutner #opinion #family