Now that we’re a few weeks into second semester, you may find yourself attempting to restructure your routine in an effort to boost your grades, spice up the daily grind, or to rekindle the spark of knowledge from your brighter years.
However, this is futile.
You’d like to think that this semester would be different, that you’ll make Dean’s list, stay healthy, and make new friends. However, you’re wasting your lazy-ass time with this false hope and these naïve aspirations.
Instead of trying to fight the tide, try planning ahead by realizing that you’re going to procrastinate on your homework ‘til you are forced to stay up all night to submit your assignment three hours after the midnight deadline. Then, you’ll be groggy all day through your classes. You’re beginning to eat Cheetos and wear sweatpants because you “actually can’t right now,” a mistake that will make you fat and groggy for future days. It’s an upsetting cycle, but, come on; it’s nothing a little Netflix bingeing can’t fix.
This fourth week of the new semester is also a good time to contact the organizations you signed up to join to unsubscribe to their e-mails, as we all know you’re not going to attend your first Literary Society meeting the spring semester of your junior year.
In a sad and predictable flourish of activity, all of your floormates have changed their rooms around. By now, you must know that moving your bed two hundred and eighty degrees isn’t going to help you study. Instead of engaging in the ineffective habits of the unaware, accept the reality of your hopelessness and welcome the impending cycle of deterioration.