With the recent announcement that the Quinnipiac Leadership Board has been reorganized into the First Galactic Empire, Emperor Judy Olian took the opportunity to announce several new construction projects to strengthen the Empire’s grasp.
Along with declaring that all Yale students will be hunted down and defeated, Emperor Olian announced the construction of a new space station. While the specifics of the space station haven’t been disclosed, it’s been rumored that it will roughly be the size of a small moon, with the ability to destroy an entire planet.
Construction has already started on the massive project, removing 150 parking spaces in the process for some reason. As for completion date, construction is estimated to be finished by the Fall 2043 semester. For the time being, student loan payments and tuition are being raised to finance the project. With that announcement, millions of student voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
“Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design,” says Emperor Olian. “The New Order of peace has triumphed over the shadowy secrecy of shameful magicians. The direction of our course is clear. I will lead the Empire to glories beyond imagining. We have been tested, but we have emerged stronger. We move forward as one people: the Imperial citizens of the first Galactic Empire. We will prevail. Ten thousand years of peace begins today.”
According to rumors, once the project is completed, a grand ceremony will be held to make the battle station fully operational. But this will only be after Quinnipiac demonstrates the power of this station. Emperor Olian has chosen to test this station's destructive power on our rival school of Yale.
And this, dear readers, is how Quinnipiac dies. With thunderous applause.
Commentaires