A crowd formed around local man, Chris Desilets, who was standing on a bridge last Monday. The crowd was anticipating what they believed to be a suicide attempt, but we’re extremely disappointed to find that Desilets was actually just enjoying the view.
One of these disappointed crowd members was Leslie Karth, a stay at home mother of three. She expressed her disappointment upon not witnessing a violent death. “It was honestly extremely inconsiderate of him,” Karth said. “I had already written out my Facebook post on how this deeply affected me and how I tried my best to stop him.”
Karth was disappointed that the opportunity for comments saying how heroic she is, was ripped from her grasp. Desilets had been wearing headphones at the time so he was unable to hear the screams coming from the crowd below him.
“Yeah I mean, I yelled ‘don’t do it’, but that’s just because that’s the kind of guy I am,” said Jared Kendick. “Although I said it very quietly, because I was thinking I could get some sympathy sex if I told the story at the bar later.”
Kendick later informed sources that his snapchat of Desilets on the bridge captioned, “Don’t do it bro”, turned out to be enough to get a blonde let him ‘bang’ her.
At press time Desilets announced he had never thought of ending his life, until the public reacted this way.