Legal troubles arose early Sunday morning when Hep Creek sued the university for defamation. The infamous stream running through the Mt. Carmel campus claimed that it had taken “too much shit” from students around campus.
“I’m not respected at all here,” said the stream, which stated he preferred to be called Jerry. “Students are always throwing trash in me, calling me names, and pissing in me when they’re drunk. I won’t stand for it any longer.”
“And of all people, these slobcats are the ones calling me hep creek?” the body of water added, “Fuck that.”
Jerry went on to say that sometimes he gets so mad that he overflows his banks, which ruins everyone’s day and is a complete pain in the ass.
This isn’t the first time Quinnipiac has faced a lawsuit from a university landmark. In December 2009, the bobcat statue sued for sexual harassment after students continually touched its balls.
“I really don’t understand how all these inanimate objects keep suing the school” said university spokesperson John Daniels “It’s driving me crazy. I don’t have time for this, I have actual shit to do.”
The creek and the university are set to appear in court on December 13th. Those planning on attending the hearing are encouraged to wear a poncho and rain boots .