President-elect Trump has several tasks he must complete before he enter office in January: choose who will be apart of his cabinet, work with high-ranking Republicans to develop an alternative to Obamacare, and alerting the neighbors of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue that a sex offender will be shortly moving into their neighborhood.
After having his name permanently entrenched in history, as well as sexual predator database, Donald Trump went door to door to discuss his colorful past. Removing a crumbled handwritten note from his suit jacket, he delivered his speech. “I, Donald J. Trump, am a registered sex offender,” the President elect muttered in a monotone grumble.
“This is all a big misunderstanding. I probably would have won the case, but no one told me that claiming ‘Bill Clinton did it first’ was not a sound legal defense. Anyhow, I promise that my pussy grabbing days are long gone. Unless it’s Melania. I can grab those sweet lips whenever I please, everyone knows what goes on between a husband and wife is their own business. But I digress”.
Trump took a deep breath, and finished his spiel as he walked to the next address. “This will sound weird, but I am kind of glad that I got caught. I learned a very important lesson; if you don’t want to be caught for sexual assault, don’t run for public office… or do, being a sex offender doesn’t mean you can’t win!”