After taking an eight-year hiatus, Racism has announced it will be making its highly anticipated return to America. The news struck delight to rednecks, skinheads and Kid Rock alike.
The “Back of the Bus” tour plans to kick off January 21, 2017, the day after President Obama leaves office. Racism had an unprecedented run of success in America; for 232 years they were deemed the most powerful and influential “-ism”.
They produced mega hits such as “Slavery”, “ “Jim Crow laws” and “The Trail of Tears”. However, it was their debut single in 1787, “Let’s make a document that states all men are created equal and then make another document 11 years later that states an entire race is only 3/5ths of citizens” that established racism as a superstar.
In spite of releasing a string of recent radio friendly hits, such as “Random Searches at the Airport” and “Stop and Frisk”, the election of Barack Obama, an African American, in 2008 caused racism to stop.
“It’s been a rough 8 years,” said self proclaimed bigot Jordan Buckley. “Racism has helped me and my family succeed for generations, so I have been kind of lost without it”.
“It’s been really boring,” added local republican Thomas Murray. “It was always interesting to see where racism would pop up next. But we’ve gotten nothing. It’s been a God damn utopia for coloreds for the past 8 years”. He shook his head while adjusting his confederate flag trucker hat and “Hillary Sucks… but not like Monica” tee shirt.
“I actually really liked Obama,” Morgan Townshed stated defensively. “The fact that he was finally able to bring America out of the stone age and install a universal health care system with a Republican-controlled Congress is nothing short of amazing”.
She chewed her lip before adding, “That being said, I have been itching to call a brown person a towelhead for ages, so I guess it’s good to see him go”.
No matter which presidential candidate is elected, another powerful “ism” will fall in January; either sexism if Secretary Clinton is elected, and elitism if Donald Trump is elected.