According to national reports, racists were disappointed after discovering a viral image of a Quinnipiac student inaccurately described as wearing blackface. The image depicted a young woman in what appeared to be a clay mask, which was inappropriately paired with the caption ‘black lives matter’ without her knowledge. We asked several conservative citizens to weigh in on the issue.
“I prefer to be more passive aggressive about my racism,” explained Mary Denton from suburban Missouri. “You know, like crossing the sidewalk when I see a group of colored boys, or talking as obnoxiously and slowly as possible to my Chinese delivery man. This image was in bad taste, and it really came off as blatantly ignorant.”
Many other bigots seemed to share this belief. “Even I, a proud racist, would never make an intentionally offensive remark while leaving a trail to my identity,” quoted a male cloaked in a white sheet. “My username – xxxKKKrocksxxx – allows me to be openly prejudiced without linking any evidence back to me. This event was clearly unplanned and unprecedented; a true racist would not have been so careless.” After careful consideration, the anonymous ghost commended the photographer for captioning the photo with someone else’s face.
One white supremacist offered the perpetrator some friendly racist-to-racist advice. “First of all, don’t be so picky about which minority to target,” suggested Tom Feldman, local redneck. “An experienced conservative would have made a more general racist statement to include all colors equally, even purple and the occasional green.”
“What happened to flair? Where were the confederate flags?” asked a frustrated Denton. “This new generation of bigots doesn’t even think twice about how their actions affect their peers, especially us traditional, rooted racists. We are not impressed by this act of incompetence.”
One concerned administrator offered a final statement on the incident. “We didn’t see this coming. Sure, we would expect this from a school like Yale, but no one could have predicted it would happen somewhere as prestigious and diverse as Quinnipiac university.”