NAACP Revokes Ben Carson's Black Card

The NAACP recently announced that presidential candidate Ben Carson has lost his black card, meaning he is no longer considered a member of the black community. This move was likely a response to Carson’s criticism of the “Black Lives Matter” movement.

NAACP president and CEO William Brookes spoke about Carson yesterday. “One of the goals of the NAACP has been to ensure that African Americans are seen as equals in terms of intelligence. This clown has managed to derail all of our hard work in a matter of weeks!”

Less than one year ago, Ben Carson was considered the shining star of the black community; he was a successful doctor from Detroit that young black children could aspire to become. Public opinion has turned, however, since Carson began to do his best Donald Trump impression and hasn’t looked back since.

The black community explored every other option before eventually deciding to cut him. They even tried trading him, but none of the offers were enticing enough. The white community asked for too much (permission to use the n-word) and the Latino community offered too little (El Chapo). After the Muslim community made an offer of one expired bag of Fritos, the NAACP decided to simply revoke his black card and let him figure out this situation on his own.

Carson didn’t seem fazed by the news. “To be honest, I have been claiming that I’m white on every census for the past 40 years, so it wasn’t that big of a change for me.”

The public has been swayed, however, by the switch, and it has seemingly benefited the former neurosurgeon–Since he made change, his poll numbers have improved by as much as 4%.

“I didn’t know if I could trust another African American in office after the Barack Hussein Obama experiment,” said one potential voter. “But now that Ben Carson might be white, I am confident that he can properly lead this country.”

Carson reportedly plans to alienate members of the armed forces in his next public appearance, where he will compare the plight of the soldier to spilled milk.

#politics #MarcRegis #race