While in bumper-to-bumper traffic Tuesday night, local man Jonathan Gallagher took the time to slow down and angrily look at the rubberneckers that had held up his commute. Reports show that the car crashed on the side of the road, out of the way of traffic, with the main cause of the delay being rubberneckers. Gallagher attempted to alleviate this issue by purposefully slowing down to convey his disapproval of rubbernecking.
Gallagher, apparently outraged by the incident, stated, “It’s stuff like this that really pisses me off. We could all be home much quicker to get drunk with our cats, but no. People can’t mind their own god damn business. That’s why I have taken it upon myself to correct these people’s behavior.”
As a self-proclaimed law enthusiast, Gallagher was especially bothered by the illegal nature of the rubberneckers’ behavior and reportedly had to do a double take followed by a long look at the rubberneckers before he could identify for sure that everyone around him was committing this crime.
“I started watching the people who were watching the people who were in the car crash, and before you know it, traffic starts building up behind us. I told the other drivers, ‘You see?’ This is what happens when you stop and stare at other people,” Gallagher explained.
Local law enforcement expressed appreciation for Gallagher’s good deed. “That man had to spend hours in traffic because people couldn’t keep their eyes to themselves. I think he deserves a little reward for his inconvenience, and what better reward than watching the horrible misfortunes of others?”
This summer, Gallagher plans to continue acting as voice of reason for the masses, and will reportedly steal items from expensive stores to teach large companies to be generous to their consumers.