In a press conference last Monday, the Quinnipiac administration announced a brand new budget policy aimed at efficient spending in the poor economy. The new plan looks identical to the old budget, except it cuts all spending on Quinnipiac Junior Chris Meade.
“In this tough economy we need to cut expenses,” budget director Patrick Healy explained, “and there are no disposable resources except for Chris Meade.”
The Administration went on to explain that students who are not Chris Meade will see absolutely no changes to their everyday lives.
“We wanted to be sure to preserve all the conveniences that students here have come to love, unless you’re Chris Meade, who will have to suffer for the sake of all other students,” Healy told reporters. “We’re all in this together,” he added.
The new policy will take place starting 12 pm on Tuesday, wherein Chris Meade will no longer be allowed to use a shuttle, take a shower, or speak directly to faculty members.
According to the written press release, Chris Meade will still be allowed to exist on campus, attend classes, and sleep on the patch of dirt outside new road. However, it is against the new policy to interact with him in anyway, or acknowledge his existence.
“This new policy will keep our school in the black and able to operate, at least until Chris graduates. Then we find a new pariah.”
At press time, Chris Meade is reportedly outside Café Q, begging for scrap food from passing students.