Student Goes Home, Realizes His Friends Kind of Suck
- Amanda Damone
- Dec 12, 2013
- 2 min read
Thanksgiving week brought a whirlwind of emotions for junior Ted McCarthy as he came to the realization that his friends back home kind of suck.
“I had no idea they were still smoking pot at the park every weekend,” he stated, bewildered by the lack of progress made by friends who commute to college and those who stayed behind to take over their dads’ business as gas station attendants.
“One of these guys still hasn’t passed his road test,” McCarthy conceded, gesturing toward the group of boys as they complained about how “there’s nothing to do here” and how they are not able to go out past ten because ”[their] parents caught [them] sneaking out again.”
Witnesses claim to have seen the boys hitting on McCarthy’s mom and laughing at endless videos on Vine.
“They have such a simple sense of humor,” McCarthy added, shaking his head in disillusionment.
McCarthy relayed that his friend K.J. has lost “that cool factor” that he had before college, and his stories now reflect an alarming disdain for authority.
“I always thought he was this boldly carefree kind of guy,” McCarthy continued, “but I now find this attitude to be concerning, since his freedom from the weight of societal expectations allows him to do whatever the fuck he wants. He once tripped our school principal in the middle of the hallway for giving him a detention,” McCarthy voiced.
“I mean, it would have been hilarious if she hadn’t been seven months pregnant,” he elaborated.
By the time he went back to school, McCarthy had decided to “give the guys another chance” because “[they]’ve got so much history together, you know?”
Comments