In his newest attempt to accommodate the Southern Connecticut Gas Company’s construction work, Chief of Public Safety Tony Reyes has announced that the Hamden Police Department will place a glass dome over Quinnipiac University’s Mt. Carmel Campus.
“We decided the best course of action for prioritizing construction would be to install a massive dome over the campus, trapping every student and professor within,” Chief Experience Officer Tom Ellett told reporters as he loaded moving boxes into his minivan outside Commons. “Chartwells is gonna give us a month’s supply of pasta, you guys should be fine.”
According to an email sent by Reyes at 3 a.m. on Monday, the dome will be installed sometime within the next week during peak traffic hours. The dome will stand at 750 feet tall and stretch from the New Road entrance to about halfway through the Mountainview Residence Hall.
“I was scrolling through 4chan last week and heard about the weather dome they built around Disney World,” said a crazed Reyes. “I figured we’ll just keep it up when construction’s done, it’s cheaper than re-paving the sidewalks to stop all the flooding when it rains.”
Due to budget restraints, the dome will be built out of that uranium glass from the 60’s that gave everyone cancer.
“I genuinely couldn’t give less of a shit.” Said Southern Connecticut Gas Company CEO Glen Garry when asked to comment. “We actually finished installing all the gas lines last month, I just really hate commuters.”
Students who are stuck outside the dome will not be given excused absences from class.
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