Guy Shoots Flare Every Time He Loses His Mom Grocery Shopping

For the 11th time this morning, Little Mikey has been reunited with his mother in the dairy aisle of the Cheshire Big Y by setting off a military-grade flare to alert his presence.

“I didn’t lose him,” Mikette, Little Mikey’s mother, said. “The little prick keeps running away from me, setting off these flares and cries until I find him. I was literally two aisles over.”

After the sixth flare set off by Little Mikey, nearly half of the dairy inventory was rendered unusable. After the 11th and final flare, that number jumped up to 98%.

“I just like burning shit,” Little Mikey said.

The Barnacle has been informed that Little Mikey and Mikette are no longer welcome at any Big Y locations in the Greater New Haven Area.