This past Thursday, Quinnipiac University was graced with the presence of a 240-lb black bear outside the Human Resources center. Quinnipiac welcomed the bear with open arms, delighted at the chance that the school might now have a bit of diversity. The bear was easily spotted, not because it was six feet tall and roaring, but because it was an ethnicity not of European decent.
"I think he should be the new student body president," said current president Ryan Hicks. "Look at him, he provides the type of look that this school has been pretending to have for years."
Within three hours the bear had mauled three teachers and ripped the arms and legs off of several freshman.
"I think the bear is still super sick'" said freshman Corey Chetan. "Also he was nice enough to rip my left arm off, I'm a rightie and I can still jerk it just fine." The current location of the bear is unknown, but fraternities and sororities alike have been trying their hardest to recruit it into their organizations.
"He has the true values of a Sig Ep," said Jerry Tinker a sophomore fraternity brother. "He's aggressive, hairy, and doesn't ask permission for anything."
The gender of the bear is unknown.
"We haven't seen his penis yet, but now that he's a frat brother it's only a matter of time," said Vice President M ark Thompson. "We've been trying to get a photo with the bear for our website, to show how different and colorful we are."
Our sources also show that a polar bear is also en route to campus, which will return our levels of diversity to its usual whiteness.