Alright listen, I’ve been having a bit of a moral dilemma today. All of my friends are going out tonight and invited me to go with them and I feel so weird doing it. This isn’t a day for me to go out and party and drink, but as a true American Patriot, if I don’t go out I am admitting defeat and the terrorists win! So does this mean I go out and don’t get drunk? It is my patriotic duty to make sure that the terrorists lose, so does that mean I need to get drunk to make sure that they lose? Or by drinking am I showing that I don’t care about what today is?
I know this might be a hot take, but I actually hate terrorists, terrorists suck, fuck terrorists. But I haven’t gone out clubbing in a long time and I really miss it, you know? All the guys are going out tonight, and they keep talking about “bombing that pussy” and I just don’t know how I feel about all of it. Like this is wrong, right? It’s 9/11 for christ’s sake! I should be praying, or sending good vibes, or something else that I can post on my Facebook or Instagram for likes.
You know what? I refuse to let the terrorists win! I’m gonna go out tonight and drink till I forget! Well not forget, obviously, never forget, what I mean is I’m going to drink and let the terrorists know that I refuse to let them scare me. That’s what they do, they want us to be afraid. And every year we tell them that it worked. Not this year! This year I’m going to drink a Jägerbomb and tell them “No! You didn’t win!” or more accurately after the nights over, “naw! uuuu dodent won!”