Majority leader, Kevin McCarthy, announced Monday that the Republican Party will soon be presenting a new bill calling for the decriminalization of any abortions performed with AK47s. He stressed that the alteration of traditional policy was in efforts to keep up with current events and trends.
“With all the talk of the second amendment going around right now, we just thought it’d be best to reinforce our core values” McCarthy stated.
“It is the right of every American man, child, and yes, even woman, to use a gun in any way they choose, any time, anywhere. That’s what our forefathers put in the constitution, and they've never been wrong before!”
When asked to elaborate, McCarthy continued with “Listen, having some quack doctor pull a dead baby out of your body? That’s just unnatural. But it’s a woman’s God-given right to kill their unborn fetus with a machine gun if they so desire. It’s in the Constitution.”
Other republican party members were fully on board with the new bill. John Carter, a 40 year old Trump supporter, feels strongly about the new bill. “I am pro-life that is a given. But I’m alright with assault rifles killing little kids in school, so we might as well blow them out of the womb too,” Carter said.
The Party has faced some criticism for this announcement, which McCarthy dealt with the following evening.
“If you were an unborn baby, wouldn’t you rather be taken out in a blaze of glory? I know I would,” McCarthy said. “So do all those poor dead fetuses you women have murdered. I know because I asked them. Shut up. This interview is over.”