As someone who listens to Hamilton and believes the History Channel has the best daytime television programming, it’s fair to say I’ve gained some knowledge about historical nemeses, besties, and frenemies. John Adams and Thomas Jefferson were total bros, Andrew Carnegie and John D. Rockefeller must’ve compared dick sizes at least once, and Nikola Tesla probably sexiled Thomas Edison a lot.
Let’s face it, Tesla and Edison were constantly around one another trying to figure out ways to conduct electricity. Stealing each other’s ideas and sabotaging projects were daily o-current-ces in the lab, so who’s to say the shenanigans didn’t continue into their personal lives? Tesla was pretty hot compared to Edison anyway. He was a college drop-out, yet was still really smart. He lived in various hotels in New York. He worked with large amounts of electricity and radiation. He was a badass, rock and roll, swaggering bad boy with a middle part in his hair. The guy had to have gotten so much pussy. Hey, maybe he even got more than that. Where do you think he got the idea for alternating current? He went both ways, so why couldn’t electricity?
After bragging to his new lover about all the cool shit he was engineering, he obviously had to take them back to the lab and show off his skills. He probably etched the phrase “babe magnet” into actual magnets in the lab because he’s fucking funny like that. Then, after impressing his partner with his experiments, they probably headed over to the designated lounge/nap room for some adult fun time. But what was Edison always doing? He wasn’t getting laid, he was always drilling new things into lightbulbs to use as filaments because he couldn’t “drill” into anything else. That guy did thousands upon thousands of trials! You might ask, “How did he have the time to do all of that?” The answer is that he was constantly sexiled! If he couldn’t go hang out and relax in the comfort of his own living space, he packed up his stuff and figured he could try and get some work done in the meantime.
So thank you Nikola Tesla for having so much sex. Yeah you probably stomped all over Edison’s pride and happiness and self-confidence, but that guy ended up just fine. Some historians may say that Edison was the real winner in the “War of Currents,” but you are the real winner in my eyes.