Every Fourth of July season this nation comes together to celebrate America’s first steps, baptism, and quinceañera, but our loyal pets… not so much. So, here are some quick and easy methods for helping our animals stay cool as the night sky heats up.
10. Keep Your Pet Occupied!
There’s nothing better for your pooch than keeping their mind off the fireworks by doing something they enjoy, like belly rubs or sudoku!
9. Find a Louder Noise
Try turning up your TV to a level that overpowers the fireworks so your pet doesn’t hear them (dogs love HGTV).
8. Wait for the Signal
An unmarked envelope containing nothing but a postcard for the city of Albuquerque will be placed in your mailbox at a random time, this will mark the start of the mission. Instructions will be provided momentarily.
7. Create a Safe Area Within Your Home
Create an area that’s, say, underneath a table, and comfort them as best as you can. Maybe even set up a corner for Blackjack.
6. Do NOT Confine Your Pet to One Area Within Your Home
Forcing your pet to one area of your house that’s, say, underneath a table, may result in harmful outcomes. It would be stupid to do that… especially if you’re better than them at Blackjack.
5. Go to New Mexico
Ask around for a man named “California Steven”. In the situation that there’s 2 California Stevens, he’s the one that still has his teeth. Do whatever he tells you.
4. Buy Your Pet a Thunder Shirt
They don’t work. They do look goofy as hell tho and just cause they’re having a bad night doesn’t mean you have to.
3. Distract Them with Treats!
And by treats, I mean methamphetamines.
2. Keep Your Doors Locked
Cause you might have a cool as hell cat tryna sneak out to blow up some illegal fireworks. Don’t encourage this kind of behavior.
1. Take Them to a Therapist
Your pet may have some personal issues that need to be dealt with.
That’s it, I hope these results work for you! And make sure to remember the most important rule: the package will be taped to the bottom of a park bench near the ice cream stand, leave no witnesses. See ya!
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